J3NNI3

Okay, so I am kinda really depressed today because I had realized that everyone else can get a boyfriend/girlfriend except for me. I mean even Michelle!!! Is it just cause I am not pretty enough? Is it because I am the more best friend type? or is it because I'm easy? Which I really don't think I am. I mean, it just seems like lately everyone is finding someone that they REALLY like and I'm not. It makes me kinda just feel alone. But its okay...... I guess.

I got my appendix removed, and now my mom does whatever I want her to!!! I love it. Next is the Kidney. =D

Jk, Lolz

Yeah, Okay. So I was at this meeting or whatever to audition to be a Barbizon model.... And they gave me this huge desicion that I have to make by next weekend. I have to deciede on whether I want to do this or not.

Okay so what Barbzon is all about is it's a teen girls modeling program that helps teen boost their confidence and gives them basically a boost on becoming a model or an actress or whatever. Basically gives them the skills to be a successful woman (That's what she said) But here's that catch, It's every weekend saturday and sunday from 9 to 1 or 1 to 5 starting next weekend, and you have to pay for this whole lifetime thing thats about $2,295. So basically if I say yes there is no backing out. I really wanna do this but the big problemo is that I'm not sure if I would continue wanting to do this. Because there is this class part for 6 months and then just diffrent jobs that I get paid for throught the rest of the time I'm doing this whole Barbizon.

So yeahhh. Idk, If you have any Tips or advice that would make this desicion any easier it would be greatly appriciated. =D

(Barbizon is where Barbie got her name. I would be becoming a Barbie Girl. :P)

Dude I think guys PMS too. haha. =D
<3

Dude. I walk into Jeff's house and like all of them know what e and him were talking about one day. I mean Grrrr. Makes me mad. =\


And I hate christian and I will make wroten a word!!!!

Okay, Dude! I Hate him, but Love him at the same time! He is constantly telling me how he's sleeping with all these girls (not really, he doesn't SLEEP with them) and he doesn't even know how severly pissed that makes me. I basically want to kill whoever the girl is and then punch him in the face so hard. (But I can't cause i'm weak.) But then I love him cause he'll go and say something, like yesterday we were talking and he was like "What are you doing?" and then I was like "Watching tv, and thinking" and he was all like "what are you thinking about." Like he actually cares. and that just makes me love him all over again. He confuses the crap out of so much that I don't even know which way is up. But then he doesn't do anything. I've waited for like EVER for him to actually say something and I've OBVIOUSLY hinted that I want him to............ But idk. I don't care... =',',',',',',',',',(

I think I've given up on this 'duude' because things i had convinced myself to do thinking it was okay at the moment and that it would help, and thinking I was ready to move on. Yet I still catch myself thinking about him everytime I hear a love song, or something bf/gf related or even just when I'm talking to him and he'll say that his arms are hurting or something and I just imagine things. (not that bad) and what's really sad is that there have been books recently that have made me think of him, perhaps the ones that his name is in. =/ Seriously I don't know what's going on anymore. I think I may have lost control over things........

One day, I recieved a few text messages from some angry oxen eating tomatoes, They explained to me that they were upset because they heard I started a rumor that oxen liked berries. Which I didn't.

So they asked me to meet them in the feilds. Once I arrived the oxen began to chase me like there was no tomorow. I tried to calm them down and explain that I did not start that terrible rumor. But they just got even more upset.

I tried to run in a zig-zag motion thinking the oxen could not detect my movement. But they did and began to throw loaves of bread at me. The bacteria on the bread tripped me and I fell into a bunch of canoes. You could record data on how much it hurt.

I'n conclusion, out of no where in the bright purple sky the heroes arrived. It consisted of Batman, Superman, and Spiderman. It made all the oxen stop chasing me and take out thier camera phones, and started recording videos. This distraction saved lves. Including mine. Then I woke up from this crazy dream!!
 

Okay so last night I was sleeping over Jamie's house and I had the weirdest dream ever! I was in this auditorium place and they were having a flailing contest. So this one kid got up and like jumped like six bleacher seats up to me, like he was right in my face, and he just started moving around and framing his face, then he just waved at me. I don't know. But then Michael Phelps was there and he just started moving around, god knows what he was doing, but then he did like a nose dive into the floor. The the lady was like "Anyone else?" And I got up and started flailing like Jamie and I do all the time, and this old pregnant guy got up and shaking his belly. It was weird! But then th lady was like "The winner is..." But then I woke up cause I smelled food. =D

Now, don't all dreams like have a meaning behind them? What in the world could this one mean?

Usually when a duaghter tells her mother something that she learned in school, doesn't the mother usually say "yeah thats cool hunny.", Not disagree and start an argument? who knows but I know that my mother definatly starts the argument. I told her today that video games and Tv is actually helping our generation to become more skilled and she didn't even let me get that out. Once I said that the video games and tv were helping she automatically had to retaliate and say that "I didn't know that the video games had the answers for your tests..." who the hell said they did? I tried to say that they were helping us to become more skilled. like hand-eye coordination and stuff like that. but you can't say one thing without her starting something. so what's the point of talking to her? No one knows.

OMG and should I start with the politics? she also disagree's with everyone on that. I mean I agree with micheal that who the freak cares, it is just a popularity contest. A few people who don't even write thier own speeches are just trying to have some power. But no. She says that Obama is better and that he's gonna make a change and that Mcain is just gonna make things worse.

I'm just starting to think that she just always has to disagree and start a fight with someone. Its like her favorite hobby. She always has to put people down so she feels better about herself cause let me tell you that guy in wal-mart that one time was totally right. She is a fat lard. when he said that I just wanted to go up to him and give him a high-five. she is so freaking annoying. and a chicken. She is such a whimp. we don't own any scary movies because of her. which also brings up the idea that she basically tells everyone what to do. She's like the pupateer and we are all her little puppets. But i'm sorry missy if i'm rainy on your parade but this puppet is cutting the strings. No way is my life gonna be dictated by you. I will do what i want, right when I get a job. which should be soon and once i turn 16 its legal for me to pack my crap up and leave this dumb. 

But thats it for today, she is just totally getting on my fucking nerves man!!! 
:o I cursed!!! Lolz 

Maybe I should drink a lot of energy drinks and get really hyper then do it.....


I was planing on knocking on his door and when he answers kiss and walk away....


You think it'll make things awkward?

Three entries in one day? Is that normal? Probably not but whatever. I just feel like writing today. I could probably write a whole story. Which I should probably be working on my story that I've been 'writing' for about a week now. :D

Anyways, what I came to write about was my mom. I haven't written anything on this about it but I think its about time. She definatly has some issues, and why am I the one who gets to deal with it? I'm the one who she complains to, That she tells that she's having so many problems. I wanna be there because I am there for anyone. I like trying my best to help someone. But I can't do that when she is constantly getting on my nerves. I think it was saturday? Maybe? That I found out somethings about her that I would have never suspected that she has done. (Refer to Jamie's entry). It's crazy. and she tells Jamie that she is a skank? Anyways, I kinda get why she comes to me, I am her daughter and all its just the times that she comes to me that confuses me. Right after we get in a fight? Or even worse while we are in a fight? she can't come to me with all this when I'm calm and collected. Instead she asks me if I love her and if I'm proud of her for what she's doing while i'm mad. Like today, I was on the computer reading Micheals entries when she came and told me to make some tea. and I was like okay whatever, and she totally started with an attitude. She was like "why are getting mad". "I just don't like the way you say whatever" and stuff like that. Which got me upset and then later she was like "Janifer you deserve a high five for not using hot water" She always points out my mistakes just to basically put me down and make me feel bad about what I do.

On the other hand, I don't know what to do about him. he is always in my mind and there is no possible way of getting him out of my head. Even the littlest things make me think of him. and see the thing is i'm not even mad about it anymore. I've basically had an epiphany about this. That it just makes me so much happier and calm when I think of him. That all of a sudden I'm am full of good feelings and, happiness? if you wanna call it that. But then I think of why I can't be with him and why all those nice thoughts will never come true. Then I think of him being with someone else and being happy, and how that would make me feel. I would be devistated but I would make it through because he would be happy I guess. you know that whole saying. "If it makes you happy, I'm happy." well with him. It totally applies. he just makes me feel so gahgfscr. So undescribable. and I love it. I know that everyones been talking and saying how we would be good together and stuff like that, and in my mind I totally agree. But when it comes to reality I don't know. Yeah we would look good together and stuff like that but would it really work out? I would be willing to give it a try but is he? and will I end up hurt in the end? these are questions I think about everyday, all the time.

So those are just some more things I've been thinking about. And that stupid hoe. Lolz she makes me mad. but yeah. PEACE!!!! :D

Jamie Michelle Parker. The best person in my life. She has always been there no matter what. Why? Because she is absolutly amazing. I am so jealous of her. She goes through so much but she still is the strongest person I know. She's had to go through my mom being a biznatch, to all the guys she been with, and even the sadest thing....Her dad's death but she is always there. Whenever you call she is wiling to listen. Of course she's gonna bring in her comments but who doesn't? She may have her down days where she just doesn't feel like it. but thats okay. In my eyes she still is and will always be "my hero" Lolz.

That was just a little ode to Jamie to show her how grately and truly wonderful I think of her. :D

I'm not writing this to make fun of her or anything, I'm writing this because this is how I feel.

Michelle needs to hang out with kids her own age. I know there's not many here, but there still are some. I feel she's wasting her childhood. She's hanging out with kids that are to mature for her and not always wanting to do the things that she wants to do. She's young, around the 10 area , and wanting to always play outside and jump around and be active. She's hanging out with kids that are around the 14,16,18 area that aren't wanting to really do anything other than sit around and be on the computer, and she complains.

Now sometimes I don't mind because I usually want to be outside but when I don't I feel bad because she has nothing to do because she is so used to hanging out with us she doesn't really get along with the younger kids on the block.

Now, this all evokes a memory that happened awhile ago. See I used to hang out with michelle all the time, basically non-stop. This was around when I was like, 11? and she was maybe 7? Possibly. But I would hang out with michelle so she didn't really bother all the guys and we had some fun times I'm not complaining. But the one day that I was not wanting to hang out with michelle i was put in the wrong. I was told that I was the reason why she was crying and bored, and why I did that. When none of them was willing to hang out with her EVER! Now I'm really not blaming anyone this was all in the past and i'm totally cool with it.

I'm just saying that Michelle should hang out with kids kinda closer to her own age on the block, like maude and guiallume or robbie.

Today was ok. I mean it wasn't the best day or anything, it went pretty quick and I didn't have any problems except for that one girl. The girl that has been getting on my nerves for weeks now. Just because I hang out with your boyfriend does not freaking mean that I'm in love with him and wanna take him from you so you don't have to get so freaking jelous.

This stupid hoe said that the next time I kick him in the butt, she's gonna push me down the stairs. I don't think so!! Well let me tell you fom the begining. I am friends with alex and I was friends with Cheyanne, the girlfriend, but once they started going out everything changed. All of a sudden I was the one trying to take her boy friend away from her. I'm sorry chicka but I don't want him (No offense to alex). I'm about to punch a hoe. And what is particularly funny is that alex doesn't even like her because of what she did when he broke up with her that last time. Who the freak cuts their hip?!??! I've heard of cutting your wrists and some people weirdly cut their thighs but your hip?!?!? I mean come on!!

But today expecially, she got on my nerves. I was walking up the stairs and I saw alex walking, and you know how people will play around and kick people in the butt as a joke and stuff... Well this biznatch wants to get all mad about it. and when I did kick alex she immediatly turned around and was saying how the next time I do that, that she's gonna push me down the stairs and I was like whatever freak her. so I went on living my 3rd block.

At the end of third block since alex is in my class, I walked out with my arm around alex and he had is arm around me (he was playing along), and we were walking right in front of her. and you should have seen the look on her face. It was priceless! I want her to do something now. That would just freaking make my year!! stupid hoe.... :D I <3 U Skittlez


Oh and another thing I can get "that dude" out of my head no matter how freaking hard I try. Everything reminds me of him.... :( I don't wanna get him out completely, but I would prefer if he wasn't there all the time.

So that was my day... :D